Comic WIP (feedback/suggestions welcome)

[xmoonlitxdreamx]

Hellooo I kind of want some feedback on a comic I'm working on if anyone is willing... I wrote the script like mid last year and was really feeling it at the time, but I didn't start drawing it out until months later so I feel like I kind of lost the plot LOL;;; Any suggestions are welcome (script, paneling, etc), but please don't go too hard on me bc I've been pretty insecure/frustrated with this comic since I started drawing it. (T_T)9 I really want to make it work tho;;

Background info (???): this is is a Ferris Bueller's Day Off fan comic (yeah idk). if you're familiar with the movie, I headcanon that Ferris, Sloane, and Cameron are in a poly relationship; and that Cameron and Ferris are roommates in college. This comic takes place during Ferris & Cameron's freshman year of college, and Cameron only recently started being romantically involved w/ Ferris and Sloane (Ferris and Sloane were dating before Cameron joined their relationship). I think my goal was just to write some sort thing about navigating poly relationships... unsure how successful I was LOL;;

anyway yeah here it is. Also sorry for my handwriting...... I can clarify if needed.














the end...........?? idk. I feel like there's moments of this that I'm happy with, but a lot of it feels really wordy and confusing to me;; anyway that's it, thanks for reading if you did. TwT)/

[JamieKaye]

Awh AWHHH sorry it took me a while to get to replying to this but I wanted to give it a really good look.

I love it. I adore it. You clearly have a passion for banter in a relationship which is super my jam too.

Actually, I think my only real critique is the "where's my welcome home kiss" line doesn't feel quite right for escalating to making out. it doesn't imply a build up. Maybe something like "You happy to see me?" or something affectionate (in his way.)

I feel like Cameron's "MWAH MWAH MWAH" at Ferris could be a really solid ending, and the rest be an epilogue bonus comic. I know you would have to re balance the pages, but I think it would be worth it.

It's looking so good. These pages are solid! I know what it's like just looking at pages after way too long and losing touch with it, but it looks great. Thanks for sharing

[xmoonlitxdreamx]

Awh AWHHH sorry it took me a while to get to replying to this but I wanted to give it a really good look.

I love it. I adore it. You clearly have a passion for banter in a relationship which is super my jam too.

Actually, I think my only real critique is the "where's my welcome home kiss" line doesn't feel quite right for escalating to making out. it doesn't imply a build up. Maybe something like "You happy to see me?" or something affectionate (in his way.)

I feel like Cameron's "MWAH MWAH MWAH" at Ferris could be a really solid ending, and the rest be an epilogue bonus comic. I know you would have to re balance the pages, but I think it would be worth it.

It's looking so good. These pages are solid! I know what it's like just looking at pages after way too long and losing touch with it, but it looks great. Thanks for sharing

Thank you for your feedback, Jamie!!!!! ToT I really appreciate your encouragement!

I see what you mean about that line... the making out does seem a bit abrupt since it's such a lighthearted line and it does imply like. One kiss lol. I'll think on it for something alternative... :Tc tbh I did want the progression to be a little bit abrupt or surprising for Cameron, to kinda give the idea that Ferris is more comfortable with jumping into intimacy due to being more experienced w/ romance (?), but maybe it's a little more abrupt than I'd intended... In my original sketches I had a beat panel or sth after Cameron's little peck to give them some space to kind of feel some feelings (??), so maybe I'll try to experiment w/ that a little too to see if that helps the flow a bit.

Hmmm interesting about the ending....! Figuring out how to end this thing has been one of my biggest struggles... Originally I did want it to basically end with Cameron's "mwah mwah"s and then have one off-focus panel (<?) of them bantering as like a wind-down, but then I ended up expanding the banter part. Didn't consider ending specifically on the mwah panel tho... I'll revisit trying to shorten the ending for sure.

Thanks again for your help!!! Gives me a few things to ponder over now. I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it though and that you like the pages!! It's so easy to get lost working on these things so it's nice to hear. @_@)7;;